contours provocations - 2006-0213

contours provocations
journal - 2006-0213 - mon 2130

Computers to the left and right; Congested; Chapter 7; "Talkers"; Tiny conversations

For the past several days, I've been tangling with the automatic virus update feature of my Internet security suite. By accident, I noticed one day last week that it was not being updated. I tried deinstalling and reinstalling the software to no avail.

Next I tried the product's user forum online. It appears to be a very common problem that has suddenly hit many users. There are six or seven suggestions that are supposed to work, but so far, I've not found the magic combination. I've learned about "clean" deinstalls. And I've learned that some tmp files can only be deleted in "safe" mode. And I've figured out exactly when to press the F8 key to trigger the safe mode option.

This comes after about a week of trying to figure out what was happening to my email. As you will remember, a couple of weeks ago, I'd re-stored my system back to the C drive system defaults. Then re-loaded audio software, zip file opener, ftp utility and the newest Netscape browser 8.1. Netscape 8.1 does not come with an email utilty. At first, I tried the one with Netscape 7.2. Then I tried the one that came with the DSL. And finally, I settled on Outlook Express 6. Which at least allows me to receive mail from both my DSL account and the much older rainhawk account.

The C drive restore came about because of the wireless router / modem problem I was having. Suddenly the system would not be able to connect to the web. One recommendation was that a wireless router and a cordless phone could cause conflicts. So I moved the cordless phone, but then the trouble re-appeared. Then I came across a simple solution that seems to work: reboot the modem.

In view of the brouhaha about the government wanting to study search patterns of the big search engines, I've added anonymous surfing via Anonymizer. Which I just checked and discovered was set to "off."

The one major item I've been missing is a printer, so I made a trip to BestBuy and came away with an HP Officejet 6510. Actually what I want to do is to be able to access the printer wirelessly. But that means you have to have a print server. Oh, me! Oh, my! Does this never stop.

I've felt sorta congested and drained the last few days, so I've not done a lot. Friday was cold and rainy. Then Saturday was much colder, and I began to notice that my throat was irritated. But it improved Sunday. And I felt better today, semi-tired but somewhat better.

Saturday evening, I sat at my desk and attempted to unscramble the cost of mother's care for the past year. Roughly, $3,500 went for sitters. At least $17,000 for nursing home care. $1,200 for medication after the expiration of the 100 days of Medicare coverage. Almost $1,000 for various medical services. And around another $1,000 for co-payments for prescription meds. And this does not include costs from the most recent nursing home stay.

Essentially what I did for months was to steal money from one source to pay medical costs. As long as there was her pension, my pension and her Social Security, everything was ok. But I knew that sooner or later, the scheme would collapse. Which with her death means I have only my pension. Which can not even cover the minimum credit card payments. To say nothing of utilities, insurance, fuel, taxes, food and supplies.

Hence Chapter 7.

Last night, I wrote thank-you notes for flowers for the funerals. A note to one of her friends who wasn't notified of her passing. I truly hate this. But mother had seven or eight address books; a name might appear in one but not the other. Some of the names I recognized as being deceased for several years. Some I'd never heard of. And I was too numb to try to figure all this out.

The cats have been unusually vocal of late. The females have all been making sounds that are akin to Tibetan throat chanting. If the cats we owned when I was a kid made these kinds of sounds, I don't remember them.

The sound is a deep rasping croak that is highly unnerving. When I first heard it, I thought the cat was having some type of seizure. A friend said that cats that make these sounds are said to be "talkers." But I can't find anything about it online.

Tiger, Tiger rarely says anything and spends most of his time investigating any and everything. And wanting to help with any chore. Tiger, Tiger does not like for the outside kitty to come in. In fact he does not like the outside kitty at all. Last week, Tiger, Tiger snuck out the back door onto the carport. And he was very irritated to see the outside kitty. When I tried to shoo Tiger, Tiger back inside, he had an absolute hissy fit. Snarling, hissing, growling, snapping at anything. I've learned never to try to pick one up in this state. He could do serious bodily damage in seconds.

Mother's death has a dream-like quality to it. As though, it really didn't happen. That it was some type of mirage. I know this is some kind of emotional ajustment, but I can't decide what to make of it.

I keep thinking of things during the day I want to tell her. It was these tiny discussions of almost insignificant events that we loved so much.

PAX!