Small Tasks; "But she's not."

A chilly, wet wintery evening.

Life continues within and without me.

I thought it would feel stranger living here alone. But actually, it has seldom been a problem. Although, I do have my moments when I wish I could have been more helpful in the past. But I did not realize how severe the dementia was. She really should have had someone living with her at least several years ago.

Yesterday, I returned the foot rests for the wheelchair to the medical supply house. I came across them Wednesday evening.

Last night, I sorted through the various documents and papers again, trying to set up folders. I decided on a folder for items that have to be paid such as gas, electrical, phone, cable. A folder for credit card info that will not be paid. A folder for bills addressed to my mother. I still am not sure about medical bills that I signed for as the responsible party.

I'd called the insurance agent a couple of days ago asking about the insurance on the car which was due this week. But the amount was over $400 - for a ten-year-old car! The agent reduced it to a minimum, once I explained I was filing for bankruptcy. I signed the form and put it in a folder to be copied before mailing.

I found three utilities that needed paying. So I wrote the checks, stuffed and sealed the envelopes and slapped a stamp on each.

Last week, the pacemaker folks had called for her monthly test, and I told them she was deceased. They indicated I could return the machinery in the packing box.

But I didn't do it, so yesterday a note showed up in the mail wanting the item returned. Before opening the letter, it struck me that they were going to ask for the pacemaker to be returned.

One of the very odd things of mother's death was that even after she stopped breathing, the pacemaker continued to function. But I suppose that's what it is designed to do.

Today, I stopped by Office Depot to have copies made of the insurance forms. Stopped by WalMart and bought a vase and some flowers for the home health agency whose people had been so kind to mother. (I also bought a pot of red tulips for the shelf under the living room window.) Dropped off the flowers. Stopped at the post office and mailed the insurance forms, utility bills and pacemaker machinery.

My final stop was the funeral home to pick up the death certificate. Immediate cause of death is listed as "hemorrhagic stroke" due to hypertension.

Normally, I'd be sitting here with the laptop, and she would be across the room on couch working in one of her "circle a word" puzzle books. But she's not.

PAX!