Arrangements; "The land of tears"; "A joyous creation"

I feel tired a lot of late. A kind of eternal grogginess. No doubt, some kind of defense mechansim. I remember being like this after the death of my father.

I have an appointment in the morning with an attorney. My biggest concern is the credit card debit. The property, house and car are paid for and are mine by right of joint tenancy. As is everything in them, I suppose. However, there is some credit card debit that are solely on her cards. But that's mind too as sole heir.

Assets as such were consumed months ago to pay for the nursing home, medication, sitters and therapy. So there's very little left there.

I also have an appointment with a friend in the estate sale business tomorrow afternoon. In the process of moving, I thought I'd gotten rid of a lot, but I quickly see I only skimmed the surface.

Yesterday afternoon, I spent hours trying to arrange papers dealing with as many aspects as I could come up with: credit card statements, statements of ownership, powers of attorney, retirement income, tax forms, insurance forms. And a batch of papers related to the house legally still under my name but being managed by someone else.

At the bottom is a simple quote: "Is is such a secret place, the land of tears." Antoine de Saint Exupery.

I opened it at lunch as I sat in a booth at Macaroni's which was mother's favorite restaurant. It was such a perfect example of how I was feeling that I silently weep. It was as though I'd been floundering for days for some point of reference to my sense of grief. And here it was with zen-like clarity.

It is produced by a company called Paper Lantern at www.paperlantern.biz, but it is not listed in their catalogue. Nor does it appear on the photoprapher's site at Jenny Thomas Photography.

Later as I sat and nibbled away, it struck me that this was not just pretty hat: it was a joyous creation. For a second its regal beauty touched my heart with a sense of the joy of human creation.

PAX