An odd deadly beauty; Robin; Masturbation and such; Me and my shadow

Today for the first time, at work I watched some of the tv coverage of the events in Iraq. Compelling, confusing, and repetitive. The glimmering green images of Baghdad were like some ghostly mirage. The sky was pricked by white hot bursts of anti-aircraft fire. Suddenly there would be a thunderclap, and clouds of smoke and flame would appear. And I thought what an odd deadly beauty there was.

Wednesday, I picked up K.M. Soehnelin's "The World of Normal Boys." When I first bought it, I read it very quickly, then turned around and re-read it. I'd forgotten how truly remarkable it is.

It's the story of 13-year-old Robin MacKenzie's budding awareness of his liking for other boys. There's no sense of guilt on his part; he throughly accepts who he is. Everything and everyone around him seems to be dysfunctional. And his own efforts are by no means beyond reproach.

The author has a superb way of catching sexual details that ring so true. It's not just the details themselves, it's the way they conjure up a sensation. Those chilling, delicious responses of flesh and soul. A wet dream. Solo skinny dipping. Masturbation. Kissing another guy. A blow job. "Weiner in the bun."

[Amazing how little information we're given to understand all these events and sensations. For years they were, and in many cases still are, wrapped in myth and guilt. And yet they are possibly the most universal of behaviours.

Given this state of abnegation, it's equally amazing that we figure any of it out. (For example, I can remember early masurbation. But I don't remember how I came to that point. (OPPPS! Freudian Slip!!!! I swear I only caught it in the proofing!) It may be years before one discovers the sensations that other parts of the body induce. And I'm sure many never discover them. Again because of myth and guilt.]

Back to the book. I find myself going back to re-read certain passages. Like those about him and his friend Scott. Or how he explores his body. Or the confusion he feels.

One quibble. Suddenly at the end, after he and Scott have indulged in any number of sexual situations, Scott says they bother him. You certainly got no hint of this before. But then I guess it's not unusal. Of course, I do want to strange someone like this. ("Jesus H. Christ. You've been fucking your brains out. And suddenly you feel guilty!")

I would love to know what happens to Robin next. Maybe the author will do a sequel.

Well, I was going to say something about how I know this sounds weird. But then of course that's never stopped me before.

I do get this tiny kick of standing and watching the shadow of my hair bounce and twirl in the wind. There's a purity to the image that my body may not possess. As though the shape is an abstraction of my being.

PAX!