After typing in last night's journal entry, and finishing "The Invisible Man," I watched the ending of QAF again. And it was as powerful as before. The scene of Justin being removed from the ambulance is so potent that again I was in tears.

One of the forums I read about the episode mentioned the significance of the white scarf which I'd really not thought of. Brian buys the scarf as his personal birthday present, no doubt with the intent of using it for scarfing. Which he does. At the prom, he loops it around Justin's neck pulling him to his (Brian's) chest. Later in the gargage, Justin is now wearing it. But at the hospital when Brian exits the ambulance, Brian now holds it. In each context the significance of the scarf shifts. By the end, it has become a totem for Justin literally holding his blood.

As before, Jan Garbarek's sax solo engulfed me and seemed to haunt the room even after the TV was off. It made me think of a similiar elegiac piece that I'd discovered some years ago. I remember hearing it on a new age web site at work and was immediately overwhelmed. I discovered it was simply called "Lament" and was by Patrick Cassidy on "Celtic Christmas III." I ordered it and in listening, I discovered a rich CD of sonic perfume. Two cuts before "Lament" was "Black Is The Color" by James McNally. A windswept version of the traditional piece that manages to sound both Celtic and Japanese at the same time.

I lit some candles, turned out the lights, and started the CD. As the notes slipped into the room, candlelight and shadow flickered in the dark. I longed to share the moment with another man, to feel the warmth of his body next to mine, to stroke his gentle flesh. To know that we are wrapped inside the sound. Two glimmering souls touching.

PAX!