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contours provocations
journal - 2001-0331 - sat 2030 Haul! Lug! Tote!; Gaydar; Couples; Rosie; Eminem; Pursuit Up at 9 this morning, I was. All bright-eyed and bush-tailed. (Yeah! Right!) Well, OK! Let's just say I was up. It was that bi-weekly time to haul me and the dirty clothes off to the laundry. How can such a simple task get to be so complicated? Two hampers of shirts and jeans. A pillowcase full of sheets and towels. Another pillowcase of socks and y-fronts. A brown and white bedspread. A tan and white comforter. Detergent and Spray 'n Wash. No bleach! My first stop was the ATM for moola. Next stop was the grocery store for bleach. Next stop was the laundry. Haul! Lug! Tote! stuff inside. I picked up a set of shirts, then filled seven washers. Then realized I didn't have enough money for the dryers. Into my car, I go. Stop at the service station, fill the car with petrol, go in and buy a coke. Drive back to the laundry. Then realize I didn't go by the ATM. Off again to the ATM. Drive back. Haul! Lug! Tote! wet clothes to dryers. By now the place is full. Half the dryers have stopped, but no one is around to remove the clothes. Finally owners arrive. Mad rush for dryers. Dryers dry. Haul! Lug! Tote! to car. Drive home. Haul! Lug! Tote! inside. Cats are not a bit of help. Romp! Jump! Burrow! "Get out there!" "Stop that!" "Don't play with the shirts!" Finally, I had what needed to be folded, hung or spread out folded, hung or spread out. Out ze door I went and off to ze Japanese restaurant. Service was slow - very slow. But ze wait was worth it. When I entered the laundry I noticed two AA guys sitting next to each other. I noticed another AA guy staring at me. Or at least I thought he was staring at me. When I meandered out to zip off to the ATM, I also noticed one of those long, thin, stripe-like rainbow decals on the back of a car. My gaydar pinged. When I returned I began to try to figure out who was who. The question was quickly solved because the couple put some clothes in the car. But now two pairs of young white women entered. This time my gaydar grunted but did not ping. The incident may me think about the elusive nature of gaydar. Possibly it is most reliable when considering young white guys. It is far less dependable when there are factors of race, gender or age involved. Would two middle-aged white women together elicit a beep? In terms of couples, it may that young white guys are the most willing to be seen as a couple. I can think of some older couples I know about, but I've never seen them together in public. Along these lines, the 04/10 issue of "The Advocate" has a couple (no pun intended) quotes of interest. "Rosie's sexuality has never been important to her, ..." (I've changed, added and deleted the following for 30 minutes. I don't think it completely represents what I want to say, but I've decided to leave it.) I've been thinking of late about pursuit. There may be things I want, such as more money, a better house, more respect, a relationship, a sex partner, freedom from constant anxiety. But I feel indifferent to the process of pursuit. So I feel frozen. Afraid to pursue, I drift. I'm sure some of this is the result of depression. Although several years of Prozac and Effexor have helped to keep some of the demons at bay, they may not have helped in other areas. BUT at least now, there are moments of calm. There's a lot more here that needs articulating, but I'm not sure I know how at this point. PAX!
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