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contours provocations
journal - 2001-0320 - tue 2130 Dreaming, Cats and Pigeons But Not Together, Guns Together, QAF Another bizarre, depressing dream early this morning. I didn't go to sleep until after 1, then woke up around 3 and again at 5. Then slipped off again and when I looked at the clock it said 7:59. Somewhere in this last period there was a dream in which I was someone who had lost all sense of faith like some character in a Tennessee Williams' drama. I wanted help but was not sure where to turn. It was near Christmas, and I was downtown. I saw a church with steps all across the front and many signs and placards on easels on the steps. There was someone at the top of the steps in some type of ceremonial garb. He glanced my way but then looked off. People were coming and going up and down the steps. I went up the steps hoping to meet someone who would help. There were people inside, but they were on a tour. I walked across into a covered courtyard, and there was a minister/priest. But he was headed out and talking on his cell phone and carrying a briefcase. I wandered deeper into the place, but all the rooms were empty. And somehow I wound up on the street again. My guess is that this has something to do with my on-going ambivalence with organized religion even though I'd joined the Anglican church several years ago. And with an unwillingness to limit myself to one form of spiritual opportunity. Or it may be a reflection of not feeling at home. The cats are in one of their nightly frolics. They will chase each other back and forth from bedroom to kitchen slipping and sliding across the floor. Then there will be a pause while one peeks out from the kitchen. Then they repeat the whole process in the other direction. Then there will be a sudden detour across the top of the couch. I think they've forgotten I'm here. Also on the animal front, as I drove to lunch today, I looked at the pigeons along the Interstate. There is one area where they congregate on the outside of a concrete beam of an underpass. And along the nearby power lines. There were not as many as usual, possibly because it was drizzling. It has only been within the last couple of years that they've appeared. Maybe they've found this to be a save haven. Anyway, they are fun to watch. Sunday, I watched a Howard Hawks' movie from 1948, "Red River." This is the one with the curious dialogue about guns. (See 000322.html) Actually the only part I'd seen before was the part about guns which was mentioned in "The Celluloid Closet." So I managed to catch about 2/3s of it. This was Montgomery Clift's first movie, and gads is he sexy. Brooding intensity. Tightly wound. Hard but vulnerable. The movie is weakened by a sub plot about some silly woman who keeps popping up. But the real emotional bond is between Clift and the men of the cattle drive. On one hand you have the erotic exchange between Monty and his friend about guns. But then you have the idiot female interest. It would be interesting to know the history of the film, and how it was written and shot. It almost seems like there was a deliberate attempt to weaken any hint of homoeroticism. BUT there is still that wonderful scene about the guns that fascinates me. Also watched QAF later in the evening. One of the funniest moments of the series was the sex scene between Emmett and his female friend. They are trying to have sex and have agreed to fanticize about someone. But the camera shows who they are really thinking about. Then Emmitt sez he was thinking of Jody Foster, and the woman sez Matthew McConaughey. Both of whom who have been rumored to be family. I loved the plot twist of Justin blackmailing Kip who has accused Brian of sexual harassment. And I love the idea of having Justin be just as manipulative, if not more so, as Brian. PAX!
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