© 1997 Paul White All Rights Reserved


			"Lost in Place"

"Danger, Will Robinson!" croaked Robbie, for the umpteenth time. 
 He careened around the tool shed, waving his vacuum 
attachments.

"What is it now, Robbie... can't you see I'm busy?" Billy Muny 
flipped up his welders mask.

"I've just heard from Elise on the subspace interweb network.  
Three of Paul's stories have disappeared!"

"WHAT! Paul wrote THREE stories?  I guess he got up off his 
lazy--"

"Of course not!  Three copies of the same story got lost in the 
section six library."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I've got my hands full with this walkie 
talkie.  Dad needs it to contact Earth."  he picked up the 
sparking device and re-lit his acetylene torch.  "It's beyond 
me, Robbie, how you can talk to Elise on the interweb network 
and yet we can't get through to Earth and get rescued."

Robbie started moving away, but rotated his head back around.  
"Cause you got YOUR pagers from Dan Wall, that's why... OOPS!"

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, YOU GROVELING GOLF CART!"

"Sorry, Dr. Smith, I'm on a mission of rescue--"

"I don't have TIME for your silly MISSION, Robot.  I've just 
concluded a deal with the locals that's going to get us all 
HOME!  But we're not taking YOU, you overgrown LAWN TRACTOR!"

Billy succeeded in melting the plastic case off the walkie 
talkie and examined the circuit board inside.  "So what's your 
deal THIS time, Dr. Smith?" he asked over his shoulder.

"I've swapped those local yokels the deed to LONG ISLAND for a 
handful of POWER BEADS."

"But you don't OWN Long Island, Dr. Smith!"

"Those simpletons don't know that, Will.  You've got to be 
BRAZEN to get anywhere in this world, my boy... you'll 
understand that when you grow up.  Now if you'll excuse me, I 
going in to test these power beads, and in an hour or two we'll 
be on our way HOME!"  he called out as he headed for the ship.

Their ship was embedded in the local sand dune at a rakish 
angle.  Props dating back to "The Day the Earth Stood Still" 
were littered over the surrounding landscape.  Normally music 
would have accompanied Dr. Smith as he walked toward the ship, 
but the production company could no longer afford John Williams 
since he became famous.  As he started up the ramp, an older 
lady came out of the airlock with a bowl of dogfood.

"Good Morning, Dr. Smith!  Have you seen Lassie this morning?"  
It was June Lockhart.  She was not adjusting well to being 
marooned on a strange planet.

"No TIME, Madam!  I'm BUSY BUSY BUSY"  he huffed his way past 
her and into the ship.

June went to the foot of the ramp and exchanged the fresh bowl 
for yesterday's.  "I just don't know what's gotten into that 
dog.  I haven't seen her in three years... Timmy must be in a 
hell-of-a-bind!"

She looked out over the field of props. "WILL!  HAVE YOU SEEN 
LASSIE?" she called.

"NO, MOM... NOT TODAY!"

Billy continued to work on the smoking circuit board.  Suddenly, 
he noticed the sound of a teletype behind him in the bushes.  "A 
TELETYPE!" he thought, "Maybe we can contact Earth with it!"

He turned around.  It wasn't a teletype at all.  It was the dark 
sinister robot from "Forbidden Planet".

"(whirrrrr, clicky-click) Have you seen Anne Francis, young 
sir?"

"Errr, Noooooooo.  I don't think so.  What does she look like?"

"Well (clickedy-whirr clank), she's isn't wearing nearly enough 
and she has a fake beauty mark... HERE." he pointed to his dome. 
 "She's run off with Leslie Neilson and I fear hanky-panky.  I 
found Earl Holliman back in those rocks, drunk."

"Say, wait a minute!  What are you doing in this series?  We 
already HAVE a robot."

"Where've you been?  (clackedy click ping) I've played the heavy 
since this series started."

"Well, anyway, I've not seen Anne Francis and I'm VERY busy just 
now."

"(click) Sorry to (whirr) bother you, young sir."  He turned 
away.  "Oh, my poor Krell, my poor Krell."

Billy shook his head as the dark robot walked away.  Quiet 
again, he turned his attention to the walkie talkie.  "I'm 
afraid it's done for." he said, "Seems to have suffered 
extensive heat damage."  he tossed it in the recycle bin and 
stood up.

Suddenly the local sand dune was flooded with a deep rumbling 
sound.  Will looked at the ship.  It was four feet off the 
ground and dragging the ramp along in the sand.  June stood at 
the airlock screaming.

"WILL, ROBBIE, LASSIE!  DR. SMITH IS TRYING TO FLY THE SHIP!  
HELP, HELP!"

Will started for the ship at a dead run.  Before he could reach 
it, however, it settled to the ground with an embarrasing 
noise... the kind of noise no one in a crowded elevator would 
ever admit to making.

"AHEM!"  Billy spun around.  A man in a solemn dark suit was 
standing there, holding a sheaf of papers. "Allow me to 
introduce myself..."

"Go ahead, I wouldn't be surprised at anything just now."

"I'm Newton Minnow, Intergalactic Agent for Alien Affairs.  
Someone in your party has just concluded a trade with the 
natives."

"That would be Dr. Smith.  He..."

"Well, there seems to have been some chicanery on both sides.  
What I have here purports to be a deed to Long Island, but is in 
actuality three identical copies of a story by some hack writer 
back on Earth."

"Oh, so THAT'S what happened to them!"

"Now, the natives gave your Dr. Smith some magic beans."

"They weren't POWER BEADS?"

"No, they were magic BEANS... I hope he didn't plant them!"

"No," said Will Robinson, looking back at the ship, "he didn't 
PLANT them.  I think he ATE them!"


			-30-
 


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